1. Shout "GOAAAL!!" when a player gets a point.
2. Blow your nose at crucial moments.
3. Bring along a comically large mobile phone and do your best Dom Jolly impression.
4. As a player is about to serve shout "TAKE AIM.......FIRE!!"
5. Start a Mexican wave.
6. Occasionally scream.........loudly.
7. Streak.
8. Take Flash photography, if a player complains, say "ooooh, someones a little grumpy just because they're Loosing!"
9. Announce to the crowd your intentions to get an ice cream at the end of the next game, ask if anyone wants one.
10. If a player misses the ball, start Laughing manically and shout "MY GRAN CAN PLAY BETTER THAN YOU!!".
11. During a rally, keep shouting to the players what to do, example: "GO LEFT, NOW RIGHT, RUN..RUUUUUN. LEFT, HIT IT HARDER!!!"
12. Loudly Cheer and Root for a player who is not in this match.
13. When a linesman makes a call, stand up and loudly say "HE'S ABSOLUTLY RIGHT YOU KNOW, THAT WAS A SPOT ON CALL" smile at him as you say "NICE ONE!"
14. Sing "TENNIS IS COMING HOME, ITS COMING HOME, ITS COMING HOME,ITS COOOOOOMING, TENNIS IS COMING HOME..........." continue....
15. When a ball is clearly 'in' scream "OUT!!!!" and vice verser.
16. (In a male game) At Match point, shout to one of the players " YOU WERE RIGHT, THE BABY IS'NT YOURS"
17. As the players rest after a game, call to one of them "WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE CAREFUL LAST NIGHT BECAUSE I'VE GOT IT AS WELL NOW!"
18. Throw a pair of knickers at one of the players and shout "YOU LEFT THESE IN MY CAR THE OTHER DAY"
19. Wave a football rattle and keep shouting " WHOOOOOOOO TENNIS!!!"
20. At the end of the match, with a look of disbelief on your face start to cry dramatically and wail in a Russian accent " I BET ZE PLANE TICKETS HOME ON YOU VINNING AND YOU HAF LOZT. I HAF NO MONEY TO REPLAZE ZEM!!"
Wed 03 Oct 2007, 6:42 pm
